Jaguar Forum banner

1 - 20 of 72 Posts

Firm Rampant Member
Joined
13,711 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
For any of us who have piled a few lbs on over the last few weeks, months, years.
 
  • Like
Reactions: PeteA

Registered
Joined
6,600 Posts
I'm in... 馃榾

Definitely on the more.. ahem.. 'cuddly' side now... :rolleyes:
 

Administrator
Joined
28,196 Posts
I have actually lost a few pounds. Sorry.................
 

Registered
Joined
7,091 Posts
I've lost a few pounds too.
This home working is good for my health, I'm not snacking as much!
 

Registered
Joined
6,600 Posts
Dave and I probably make up for you two.. so on balance... :D
 

Registered
Joined
6,600 Posts
Perish the thought... Brandy.. it's completely different.... :LOL:
 

Firm Rampant Member
Joined
13,711 Posts
Discussion Starter #8
I've lost a few pounds too.
This home working is good for my health, I'm not snacking as much!
Put 9lb on since Dec.....

hurrah!
 

Firm Rampant Member
Joined
13,711 Posts
Discussion Starter #9
I'm in... 馃榾

Definitely on the more.. ahem.. 'cuddly' side now... :rolleyes:

uncle Cyril enjoyed the odd cuddle....literally.
 

Registered
Joined
6,600 Posts
179178
 
  • Like
Reactions: DAVENN and Gav

Moderator
Joined
19,043 Posts
I lost a few pounds while in Benners, then sitting on my butt I put those pounds back on.

The rest did me good - and my elbow is feeling a lot better - so time to go to the gym. Oh, hang on!


So back at work - get into the gym there. Nope - shut for 10 days as a sort of isolation thing is going on, on the boat, so should anyone have covid19 then it won't spread from the gym.



Guess I'm just going to have to watch what I eat before I can get on the rower and treadmill.
 

Firm Rampant Member
Joined
13,711 Posts
Discussion Starter #12
I lost a few pounds while in Benners, then sitting on my butt I put those pounds back on.

The rest did me good - and my elbow is feeling a lot better - so time to go to the gym. Oh, hang on!


So back at work - get into the gym there. Nope - shut for 10 days as a sort of isolation thing is going on, on the boat, so should anyone have covid19 then it won't spread from the gym.



Guess I'm just going to have to watch what I eat before I can get on the rower and treadmill.
Can you not go for a swim?
It's supposed to a fine form of exercise.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Gav and PeteA

Registered
Joined
6,600 Posts
:ROFLMAO:
 

Moderator
Joined
19,043 Posts
Can you not go for a swim?
It's supposed to a fine form of exercise.
In warmer climes - its seriously tempting!

Gulf of Mexico is like a cooker - with little to no breeze.

North Sea - don't fancy hypothermia.


It's also a sackable offense believe it or not. You risk upsetting company HSE stats.:rolleyes:
 
  • Like
Reactions: DAVENN

Firm Rampant Member
Joined
13,711 Posts
Discussion Starter #15 (Edited)
Debs sent me this..

How much do I want this to be true..
I've edited out the rude bits....I think.

So it's day 9 of this social distancing thing, I think it's day 9, I'm not entirely sure, it could be feking Thursday the 30th of fking never for all I know

What I do know is I didn't put the clock in the lounge forward an hour so I've been living in the past all fkn day. On the flip side of that it was an hour less I had to endure with every fkn bostard in this house.

At the start of this semi lock down him indoors occupied himself with jobs around the house he'd been threatening to do since we moved in 15 months ago so I didn't see much of him, now he's ran out of masonry paint and enthusiasm he's wondering around p1ssing me off.

He's 46, 47 in July, we're meant to be going to amsterdam. The way things are going we'll be lucky to go out in the back garden.

He calls me this morning, I ignore him. I've been shut down with him for over a week and the sound of his fking voice gives me a Forrest Whitaker eye.

I ignore him for as long as I can, which isn't very long considering we're confined to these four fekng walls

Me: WHAT FOR FeCK SAKE??!!!!

Him: I saw on Facebook how to make a face mask from things laying around the house. Look

Me: groans and turns around he's fecking stood there with a pair of his green boxers turned into a balaclava like an obese raphael.

Me:

Him: I can wear this when I go out

Me: go out? You've not been further than the shed for 9 feking days, I'm the one that risks my life going to get the bread. Bone idle feck

Him: do you want it then?

I ignore the pr1k and walk back into the kitchen for something else to fecking eat. I need to try social distancing from the feking cupboards, I swear to god I heard the cupboard say " what the feck do you want now you massive fat twot" when I stuck my head in looking for another time out wafer. Probably a good thing that I can't go anywhere because fek all fits me and I can't bend over without nearly passing out. I'm going to have to walk sideways through my doors if this carries on

Him indoors suggested a weight bench and may be jogging, I suggested he best feck off as I'm sent out for a feking French stick to fill with sausages and bacon for him in the feking dark and I swear I heard the purge alarm.

I come back with a French stick another 4 pints of fecking milk and 6 eggs, eggs are more expensive than gold and my local shop sold me 6 loose ones and didn't give me a bag, I had to put them on the passenger seat and drive slowly as I could all the way home.

I get back and go and tell him indoors I need him to come and get the French stick.

He rolled his eyes

He rolled his feking eyes at me

There was an exchange of foul language and me telling him exactly what he can do with this French fecking stick

The was another barrage of foul language and I smashed him over the head with the French stick

It snapped in half

He picked up the other end and hit me with it

BosTARD

We're out in the dark like an overweight punch and Judy, jousting with bread

I still wasn't speaking to him this morning

I'm just sat on the sofa minding my own business whilst he's in the bath, he's not in there long enough and I can hear him coming back down

I put back on my resting bitch face

He comes bursting onto the lounge

Naked

A piece of what looks like one of my towels tied around his head and starts river dancing on the rug like stavros flatley

I'm glaring at him whilst he's doing the truffle shuffle

He steps on the cat!!

It's feking chaos

He's still on the cat

I heard the air leave it like a deflating balloon

He's stepped back onto a paw patrol pick up truck and a spider man a little

He's falling

He's 22 stone

It's like a felled tree

The cats wrapped around his ankle

Hissing with what breath it has left

Feck me

Feck!! The cat

He's hit the feking deck

The feking whole house shook

It would have measure 6.9 on the Richter scale

I've scooped the cat up and checked it over

He's laid on the rug like a wounded goliath

Him: my arm!! My feking elbow!! You're gonna have to help me up!!

Me: help you up? Are you mad? I'll have to keep you warm til the fire brigade get here. Just get up you wonker. Heave yourself up with your good arm.

Him: I think I've broken my arm

Me: wrap ya pants around your head and go to minor injuries then.

He didn't bother going. Probably come out with something worse than a sprained elbow anyway.

Like a little beacon of hope Gillian messages me to say she's made some cup cakes using a new recipe, chocolate sponge injected with caramel.

My fat chubby mouth is watering at the thought so I tell her I'll be five minutes and to leave them in the porch

I pick up the tray and walk back. I actually take a bite out of one because I'm greedy as fock

I walk up my drive

The wind blows and blows each on onto the feking stones

They're covered in stones, ash and debris

I'm on my knees trying to save them, save one at least

I'm devastated

The feking crows are circling like they know a fat fek has dropped cake

I think about shooing them but remember when my daughter told me about crows that remember when people have been mean to them.

Apparently an experiment was carried out once when a man was mean to a crow and when ever he went out the crowd would chase him to try and peck him and got their mates to join in, one day he wore a mask, they didn't recognise him so left him alone. The day he took his mask off, there they were ready to pounce.

She clearly had too much time on her hands

Fek it. I'm locked down for how ever long and the last thing I want are crows sh1tting all over my clean drying sheets or packing out my feking eyes they can have the feking cake.

I go back into the prison, I mean my house to be greeted by the strongest smell of sh1t and utter carnage

Me: what the fek?!

Them: the toddler told us he needed to poo and because you weren't here for 30 seconds he wouldn't let us put him on the toilet

Me: so what's happened?

Them: points at toddler

His jogging bottoms are like bloomers and every time he walks a turd falls out.

This is my first week of quarantine

I'm a fat fecking wreck

Never give birth to anything
 

Firm Rampant Member
Joined
13,711 Posts
Discussion Starter #17
Going for a walk in Switzerland later , using an app called BITGYM and the treadmil .
a close mate of mine, he is a k.nob...but at 6'5" and 20 stone very few of us would get way with telling him that.. has lost 2 stone over the past month with the help of the app and his exercise bike .
Recommended.
 
  • Like
Reactions: PeteA

Registered
Joined
6,600 Posts
How's Switzerland Dave?
 

Administrator
Joined
28,196 Posts
Hilly?
 
  • Like
Reactions: PeteA

Registered
Joined
6,600 Posts
:rolleyes:




But I did chuckle.. as did Mrs. PeteA.. :D
 
1 - 20 of 72 Posts
Top